Everyone, including myself, at one time or another has had to deal with loneliness. But the good news is, you can overcome it rather than it overcoming you! So, the earlier you learn how to overcome it the better. Let me state clearly here from the outset that loneliness is completely different from being alone. You could be alone without being lonely.
Loneliness is the awareness that you
lack meaningful contact with others. It involves a feeling of inner emptiness
which can be accompanied by discouragement, sadness, a sense of isolation,
restlessness and an intense desire to be wanted and needed by someone.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines
loneliness a state of one being “Without companions; being dejected by the
awareness of being alone.” The Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary defines it
as a state of “being unhappy because you have no friends or people to talk to. It
is also situation or period of time that is sad and spent alone."
Loneliness is painful feeling of the
awareness that you are not feeling connected to others and important needs are
not being met. It is also the possibility of feeling excluded from a group,
unloved by those around you. Lonely people feel alienated from their
surroundings. There is no one to share your personal concerns and experience
with. You are finding it difficult to make friends beyond mere acquaintances.
By God’s design we have an innate need
to be loved and to belong. As children we learn to give and receive affection
and are taught the skills that will help us find acceptance in society. Through
our relationships with family, friends, co-workers and others, we form our
sense of individuality and find our place in the mosaic of life. It’s when that
need for affection and fellowship goes unfulfilled, that we become restless, unhappy
and lonely
.
.
It is a feeling and awareness that
intimacy, understanding, friendship and acceptance are missing from one’s life.
If unchecked on time, it may lead to depression due to the inability to cope
with the fact of life. It is a feeling, a state of isolation or separation from
others.
Research now shows that there are
basically three kinds of loneliness. These are emotional, social, and
existential. Emotional loneliness involves a lack of a psychologically intimate
relationship with another person or persons. This kind of loneliness is what
makes many singles rush into marriage in search of solution. Social loneliness
is the feeling of aimlessness, anxiety and emptiness, while existential
loneliness is the sense of isolation which comes to someone who is separated
from God and feels that life has no meaning.
CAUSES OF LONELINESS
Poor Family Relationships
Sometimes a very poor relationship can be
a major cause of loneliness among single people. The family is designed by god
to be a place of fellowship and healthy relationships. When this is lacking,
usually members of such families come out to world seeking such love. But because
that kind of fellowship can only be obtained in the context of a family unit, it
is usually very difficult to find it with friends. That is why even when such
individuals are in the midst of many people they still feel lonely and empty.
Hostility
This has been discovered to be another
major cause of loneliness especially among young people. Hostility is a feeling
of anger and bitterness that alienated others and drive them away. The loneliness
can also be induced by a feeling of bitterness, most especially resulting in
distrust for everyone that comes around. This could be as a result of past
disappointments. It could in turn lead to a transfer of aggression to other
people. The hostile person becomes a difficult person to associate with. The loneliness
that results could also be a cause of loneliness. Inability or willingness to
communicate effectively in close relationships, including even marriages could
also result in hostility. This is very dangerous state for anyone to be in. The
end result of this is loneliness.
Changing Circumstances
Changing circumstances have become the order
of the day in this changing world. A change of jobs, school, break up of a long
term relationship or marriage, career change and divorce are all potential
causes of loneliness. Others include change in social status or difficult
financial conditions. Also, circumstantial difficulties such as widowhood,
childlessness, family breakdown etc are all also possible causes of loneliness.
Spiritual Causes
Estrangement from God is alienation from
your maker. This is very deadly! Only the redeemed that are born again, can be
free from spiritual loneliness. Sin and iniquity separates from God, hence the
need to be born again and be reconciled unto God. Other causes of spiritual
loneliness are rejection by friends, colleagues, relations and loved ones,
misunderstandings, even in ministry, abuse and misuse by others.
Unfulfilled Expectations
This is another major cause of
loneliness for many people. These include unaccomplished goals, dreams and
expectations. Disappointments and setbacks in different areas of life such as
academic pursuits, business, finance, career, health and so on, if not properly
handled can cause loneliness. Being in a relationship that is not working,
spinsterhood and bachelorhood are all included here. Physical illness,
diseases, disabilities are all possible causes of loneliness. This also
explains why some physically disabled people experience loneliness.
Source: Single with A Difference by Faith A. Oyedepo
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